


sober

by stoase



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-06 09:16:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15883086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stoase/pseuds/stoase
Summary: garrett tries to drink away his problems





	1. sober

garrett was drunk, sprawled on his couch, head pounding nearly as loud as his heart. he wasnt the alcoholic type, but previous instances that day forced him into a spot, and this was the only way out he was familiar with.  
how did this happen to him? what he thought was just attraction turned into an overwhelming infatuation, daresay _love_ , and it was sending him into overdrive.  
  
_andrew_. that beautiful, otherworldly name sounded so good on his tongue, and his tongue wanted, pleaded for something else of andrew's, something other than his name-  
  
garrett didn't know what to think about andrew anymore. he looked over to the clock on his couchside table. 20:20. it was getting late, he had to go to bed eventually, but it was still too early to fall asleep on a saturday night. besides, garrett was content enough with a little self reflection  & trying to work out what was causing this much shit in his head (clouding his thoughts even more than the alcohol) and so, so, so many sleepless nights. he just wanted it to be over, to be easier than whatever the fuck was going on with him. he didnt want his bad mood to affect andrew, didnt want andrew to catch onto his bullshit. the idea was enough to make him cry. he threw his back down onto the tattered couch for dramatic effect, adjusting his position so he was facing the ceiling.  
  
he loved him, that he was sure of, but with andrew's own feelings in mind, it was way more complicated than that. were really they just friends? in theory, confessing was almost no problem for the outspoken garrett watts, but andrew made him act like a blushing teenage girl, not to mention the fact that the impossibly straight andrew siwicki probably only thought of him as a friend and nothing more. he was sure andrew had seen the way garrett looked at him when the cameras were off, ( _hell_ , garrett probably looked at him the same way with the damn cameras _on_.) he was sure he _knew_ , so why wasn't andrew saying (or, god forbid, doing) anything? the frustration of being caught dead-end in the friendzone made garrett groan aloud, stuffing his face into a neaby pillow. it wasn't like him to get so caught up over a guy.  
  
it wasnt like andrew was leading him on or anything. garrett knew andrew only liked girls, and he truly, absolutely respected that, despite how much worse his best friend's one-sided, seemingly unfair sexuality made him feel (but garrett could never be driven away from andrew just by who he was turned on by. he knew what it was like to be judged based on who you felt attracted to, straight and all)- but everytime he looked into andrew's eyes, his heart felt like it would explode. garrett lifted his head from the pillow, suprised at how tightly he was holding it. he pictured andrew's dreamy, fucking _beautiful_ eyes, and swore aloud.  
  
he was suprised he hadn't broken down yet, and he knew it was only a matter of time until the inevitable happened and his feelings for andrew would unravel themselves during one of their drunken escapades right before his best friend, possibly ruining their relationship. the thought of that quickly became garrett's worst fear. garrett wanted to be sober if he did anything like that, but he would be _thinking_ if he was sober, and it seemed like a foggy mind was the only way he could go through with his intentions.  
  
..after all, he could blame it on the alcohol if things got particularly ugly with andrew.  
  
garrett reached over for the bottle on his coffee table, and chugged a mouthful down. the alcohol didnt work for shit. he sat there completely defeated, numbly placing the empty bottle onto the floor next to him, throat burning and too drunk to care, desperate to think about anything other than andrew. he would leave the hangover for sober garrett to regret later. he let his head rest on the arm of the couch, feeling like he was losing himself. he didn't know what to do.  
  
garrett had been holed up in his apartment for the past week, living off the food in his fridge that was quickly running out. he had to get out sometime, and face andrew like he wasn't hard at the thought of him, cursed to stay at his side as the gay best friend. his _pining, very much in love with him_ , gay best friend.  
cursed.  
  
he felt himself tear up, and threw the pillow he was holding tightly onto the ground. fuck that.  
  
garrett truly thought of andrew as his soulmate. he had never felt such a strong bond with _anyone_ before, so why wasn't he doing anything about it?  
  
garrett felt sick, and he groggily forced himself to get up and wash his face, stumbling over to the nearby door of the bathroom and nearly falling over, unable to support himself. he clutched onto the bathroom door and pushed himself forward to the heavily stained mirror. his head narrowly missed the hard ceramic sink, and garrett wasn't sure if it was a good thing, considering being knocked out sounded like heaven to him just about now.  
  
with these thoughts keeping him occupied, garrett looked into the mirror. he felt like the person in his reflection was a stranger to him. when did his eye bags get so bad? he looked like hell.  
  
his phone rang from the living room, startling garrett and interrupting his rush of thoughts. he stumbled out of the bathroom and glanced at a text he received displayed on screen.  
  
**andrew:**  
**can i come over?**  
  
garrett felt his eyes widen. _no_. no way. absolutely not, not right now. no-  
  
**andrew:**  
**i bought donuts**  
  
-tempting. but with the current overwhelming inner conflicts in his head, not tempting enough.  
  
**garrett:**  
**i dont feel so good not today**  
  
he placed his phone down prepared to go back to self-loathing and pining, when his phone notification rung again.  
  
**andrew:**  
**we can watch something on netflix in silence, no socialising required. please?**  
  
"fuck it," garrett concluded.  
  
**garrett:**  
**get over here and bring drinks im all out**  
  
he was an idiot, but maybe seeing andrew and facing his demons was all that was left for him to do.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first time writing be gentle with me
> 
> dont think i'll write a second chapter, just wanted to try writing something to contribute to the lack of fanfiction gandrew-wise, plus i love these guys and shane's videos brighten up my day instantly :)


	2. slow dancing in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont ask

_"this was a terrible idea. what was i thinking? andrew is going to worry and im going to upset him and we'll never talk again and-"_

the knocking on the door awoke garrett from his drunken stupor, snapping him back to reality.  
  
he gets up slowly, and reluctantly makes his way over to the door, grabbing the handle and pulling it open, the man he so dreaded to see greeting him with a smile on the other side.  
  
"hey."  
they make eye contact.  
andrew stares at him, and stops smiling.  
"you were drinking?"  
garrett kept silent, refusing to look him in the eye any longer.

andrew took the guilt-ridden silence as an answer. he stepped into the apartment, not saying another word.  
  
relief flushed through garrett. he didn't want to talk about this right now, and he was glad the feeling was mutual.  
  
andrew sat himself on the couch like he always did and pulled out snacks from his bag, setting them down on the coffee table. "the snacks i promised", andrew said with a weak smile, "and i know i said no socialising required, but.. do you seriously not want to talk about this?"  


garrett stared. of course he wanted to talk, he wasnt okay, he needed to speak to andrew, but in the moment, his nervousness overtook him. he simply shook his head, took a seat on the opposite end of the couch and reached down to pick up the remote, turning on the tv to drown out the awkward silence.  
they sat there, neither man willing to start a conversation.  
  
the tv failed to serve as a distraction for garrett. he was slumped on the arm of the sofa, and while his body was facing the television, the only thing his mind focused on was the redhead on the other end of the couch. the couch was nothing grand, and it hardly fit both of them, their knees touching. they seemed to be close, physically, but to garrett, they were further than ever.  
  
it made garrett sad. it was his fault. none of this would have happened if he didnt fucking go ahead and fall in love with andrew. why did he have to go and be such an idiot?

_damn_ , he thought. _the alcohol didnt work at all._  
  
garrett tried to focus on the things on his coffee table to keep his mind off andrew. the donuts andrew had made an effort to bring, the bottles of alcohol he had failed to hide before andrew arrived, and the centrepiece he loved, a bundle of fake sunflowers in a nice clear vase andrew had gifted him. andrew said that the sunflowers reminded him of garrett, said that the pure joy garrett's smile sometimes radiated reminded him of a field of sunflowers, and that this was the closest he could get to that. andrew even made sure they were fake, aware of how they wouldn't survive a week under garrett's care. it was probably one of the greatest gifts he had ever been gifted, and garrett treasured it.  
  
_fuck._ garrett realised literally everything around him had something to do with andrew. distractions weren't working.

he was frustrated, with himself and with the shitty situation he was in.

"hey, you okay?" garrett felt a hand on his knee and turned his head towards andrew, realising he had sworn out loud. andrew stared into his eyes, clearly concerned. garrett only stared back. what else was he supposed to do? he was tired of making excuses. he couldn't be bothered anymore.

  
"yeah." replied garrett.  
"doesn't seem like that to me".  
"andrew, i'm fine."  
"i know you arent. tell me what's wrong."  
  
garrett forced himself to look calm, but he was terrified. he was stuck and scared and he didnt want to scare andrew off-  
  
he could only lie.

garrett turned his head to face andrew, voice breaking. "my boyfriend broke up with me." he never talked about his love life, and he knew that andrew never asked. it was the easiest lie he could think of in the moment, and he knew it was as foolproof as it could get. he turned back to andrew, finally letting his faked demeanour slowly fade and the tears fall, because he knew it was safe, and andrew didnt have to know the real reason why he was so broken. he leaned into andrew, sobbing, unable to control himself, the walls he so desperately built up in the moment crumbling down.

andrew hugged garrett tightly, comforting him, blissfully unaware of the fact that it only made garrett hurt more.  
  
"he didnt deserve you. you deserve so much better. garrett, look at me, you deserve everything and im here for you, always."  


they sat there for god knows how long, garrett crying into the shorter man's shoulder, and andrew staying silent, letting garrett vent as much as he needed to. garrett was so grateful for this man he called his friend, but was guilt ridden by how he was basically taking advantage of him. he'd never been this open with his emotions in front of another person.  
  
eventually, the tears stopped, but andrew continued to hold him, and garrett continued to lean into him. it hurt, but garrett didn't care.  
  
they had never been so close.  
yet, nothing had changed. they were still so far from each other.

_it's like slow dancing, only that we're in the dark,_ garrett thought. _neither of us are leading or following, hell, neither of us can see the other's doing, but we're somehow still doing it._ garrett didn't like the dark. but what did he know? he was drunk.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta plug that new joji song


End file.
